My husband is not my ideal man. Now before you get upset with me, hear me out. He is certainly the right man for me; God picked him out and ordained that we be together. Knowing this, there is no one I would rather be married to. Who am I to disagree with God? Though, sadly, I did exactly that for many years. That is until God got my eyesight fixed and focused me on himself instead.
Phil has blessed me immensely and we are better together than we are apart. Together we display the gospel more fully and beautifully than we could separately. However, Phil cannot do many things for me. He cannot love me perfectly, he cannot keep me from anxiety, he cannot change my heart and he cannot keep me from harm or physical illness. Above all this, he cannot save me. Phil has never forgiven my sins by dying on a cross for me nor would it be sufficient if he did.
Too often we wives look to our husbands for what is impossible for them to give. It’s like asking for water out of a hose hooked up to an oil well. We want them to satisfy our deepest longings for relationship, trust, and perfect - full of grace - unconditional love. They can give small doses of these through the power of the Holy Spirit (if they are a Christian man), but only God can fully provide all of these qualities in a pure and eternal way. He displayed this in the sacrifice of his only son. Put simply, our deepest needs, longings and desires can only find fulfillment in Jesus Christ.
We love our husbands but should not look to them to provide only what God can give us. We are joyful not because our husband finally gives us a compliment, but because of being part of God’s chosen family. We are peaceful not because our husband provides well for us financially, but because God tells us we are eternally secure in him and no one can ever snatch us out of his hand.
I cannot under-emphasize the importance of understanding and living this out in your marriage. If I trust Phil for what only God can provide, I will be disappointed over and over again. I will be a miserable person married to a miserable man reminded of his constant failings. If I instead look to God alone to identify with and find my worth as his child, I find treasure. I am a woman at peace, secure and joyful, happily married to a man who I love dearly and thank God for. With both of us being sinners, it makes no sense that we could perfectly satisfy each other, we can only look to holy perfection for that.
So Ladies, find perfect love in the one who loves you perfectly. Be secure in Christ and who you are in him, then love your husband well. I leave you with something I read recently in the Bible that felt just like a love letter being written to me from the love of my life, Jesus Christ. Notice in these verses he loves us by telling us of his greatness and ability to care for us perfectly. He makes no room for another savior, he alone saves. Reflect on these words today; read them as if they are meant for you because, if you are his… they are.
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.
I, I am the Lord,
and besides me there is no savior.
- Isaiah 43:1-4, 11