We women want strong, godly husbands who lead well. I hear it often and I understand. We want the embodiment of what Paul states in 1 Corinthians 16:13, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”
Today, I want to ask you women: how are YOU working at helping your husband become a mighty man of God? Are you fulfilling your role in this area? Now, obviously it is only God that can transform the hearts and minds of our men, but he has also graciously given us a prime position of influence. God will use us as we are obedient to him. I have created a list of ways that you can encourage your husband in his leadership role. This list was made with a Christian husband and wife in mind.
A quick note before we begin, a proper understanding of submission in regards to your husband leading is key. If you picture submitting to his leadership as putting your hands up in the air and slowly backing away while giving him the “this is all on you” stare, then you are getting it wrong. Biblical submission takes place when we, as wives, come alongside our husbands (as equals and co-heirs in Christ), speaking wisdom and giving grace-filled encouragement. Submission when rightly done will draw the two of you closer together and not farther apart. It will shine the light on the gospel and not yourselves. Yeah, I know the world tells you different. They lie. As for me, I’m siding with God. Mini lesson over, put these tips to the test:
#1 – Read your Bible daily (Col. 3:16) and pray continually (1 Thess. 5:17). Did you really think I would list anything else as the number one priority? Nothing is more important. You must first have your heart aligned with God and his commands, only then you will be equipped to help your husband.
#2 – Gently encourage the same for your husband. As best as you are able, provide him with the time and space he needs to focus on the Word and talk with God. Keep the children or allow him to skip helping clean up, whatever it takes. He must be filled with Christ to lead well, so as much as you are able, put the two of them together.
#3 – Ask your husband to pray for you. Preferably out loud. This is a simple yet effective way to show him that you trust him and desire for him to lead you before God. Afterwards show your appreciation even if he fumbled for words.
#4 – Ask your husband questions. If there is something that you are confused about in the Bible or at church go to your husband FIRST. This is biblical (see 1 Cor. 14:35), but it also reinforces your husband as the go-to person for biblical guidance. He may not know the answer, but appreciate whatever insight he can give.
#5 – Pray for your husband out loud. Let him hear you thank God for him and his leadership in your home and marriage.
#6 – Have a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Be kind and not overbearing in your opinions. Don’t flood your husband with constant words or requests. Display respectful and pure conduct (1 Peter 3:2). Aka – be easy for him to lead.
#7 – Follow his lead willingly - in the small and the big. Help him be known as the decision maker. Not all of his decisions will be good, trust God and follow anyway (never into sin, that remains off limits).
#8 – Speak about his leadership. Tell your children that Dad is the head of the family as God designed and is who you look to for direction. Then be sure to live it out, do not passively refute his authority by your actions or expressions.
#9 –Understand, his leading may not look how you want it to. God decides how he should lead well, not you. Put away your personal expectations.
#10 –Give physical affection. Don’t shy away from his attention and be available (yep, you know what I mean). There is a tendency for us women to pull away and try to dodge this as often as possible. If you want to encourage your man to be strong and lead, become one flesh with him without complaining or making excuses. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. Do not deprive one another…” - 1 Cor. 7:3 and 5a.
#11 – Finally, remember Jesus always. He alone is your hope and salvation. You serve your husband because you are first and foremost serving the Lord. Your husband will fail. In these times, remember the cross and give grace.
Ladies, trust the Lord and what he calls you to, even when it is not easy. A woman who fears the Lord is what I have described above. She is not passive or dull or lacking in any way. She is competent, hardworking and grace-filled. God tells us in Proverbs 31:30 that this is the type of woman who is to be praised! Walk in his words and help your husband lead well.